Hm.

Is it not enough that He willingly bled and died a horrible death for us? The price was not cheap! The facts are not unchanged if we simply forget about them. He rose and conquered death, not that we could live in selfishness, but so that we may be reconciled to our Maker, our God.

So then, how do we live? Most times I see people living pretty good. You don’t lie, cuss, cheat, steal, or do wrong to anyone. But is that enough? Maybe trusting Christ and living a good life is enough for most people… but the soul in me cries never! I long with every fiber of my being to KNOW the Holy and Mighty God I call Savior in the deepest and most intimate way possible. I pray and beg God to tear away my sinful selfish longings and instead place His desires and longings in me. It’s incredibly painful, relinquishing selfishness. But I can’t think of anything else I’d rather have, less of me and more of Him!

I don’t want to memorize scripture just because that’s what we ought to do. I want to know the very heart beat of God! I want to know His word so I can know Him. And I’ve noticed His heart is for people, every single person here on this earth. Yet most days I walk past hundreds of people offering nothing more than a Howdy or a smile. I sit on buses next to people who are lost and destined for eternity without my sweet precious Jesus. Oh how my heart breaks with each beat! If I could but reach one and share His love with them… but I want to share more than just His love, I want to share HIM and I want them to know Him! Yet what can one person do? I used to agonize over this and feel useless to His cause. But I’ve come to realize that is selfishness in its truest form!! What can I do? Nothing. It’s about what HE can do, and He can do whatever He wants through one person! And I’m more than willing to lay aside my selfish blind Americanized view of things and let Him radically change my way of thinking and living.

It’s easy to think “I can’t wait to go on that mission trip” or go and do whatever for Him… because that somehow seems more spiritual. But how blind are we? Yes the world needs us, but God has placed us in our every day situations for a reason! It’s easy to seem very Christian for a weekend, a week, a month, or even two… but living for Him each moment of every day is what counts.

Oh how my soul yearns to know my Lord and to share Him with anyone who will listen!! If He would but move this heart of mine and lead me in the way everlasting, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do. To have less of me and MORE of Him! It's ridiculous how words won't suffice for the way my inner being is moved by my Lord. How do I convey the depth of my love for Him? How do I proclaim the Good News when words fail to capture the epitome of the word "good"? Only by the grace of God!!

Ah, love love love... love Him more and more with each passing day. I pray for peace, strength, and grace to go where He leads, to love how He loves, and to live a life glorifying to Him above all else!

I don't want to live a day without Him being at the center. I don't want to let my own selfish gain get in the way of what He is calling me to. My desires mean nothing if they aren't aligned with His desires!! I love Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." My delight is in the Lord, and my heart's cry is to find Him in each moment of each day, to grow closer to Him and know His heart. And I find as I seek His face that my desires seem so trivial in light of all His glory!- I find my desires fade into oblivion... and His take over my soul. Yes, I have my moments of selfish desires... but when that happens my heart breaks and I beg God to remove all selfishness!! He knows me better than myself and knows my desires, and He is the one who placed those in me. Only He is the author and finisher of who I am and how I shall live... only He can satisfy my longings. He knows far better than I!

He knows how weak and fragile my human heart is, so I lay it at His feet each waking morn and pray He would be my strength. Ah, I love my God so much...(: