Prayer

How do I express the inner workings of my heart? I wrote out a prayer on September 12th that I think is still very fitting. I have struggled for days about whether or not I wanted to share it... but in a moment of transparency while my heart is shattered all over again... I have decided I will. As the Lord pieces my broken heart back together, in Him I rest and cling to.

Lord,

I am at Your mercy… I cast myself before Your feet; apart from you I am nothing more than a mess of emotions: aching, aching… aching. I do not wish to be driven mad by my feelings, but nor do I wish to become calloused and cold. Hold me in Your strong embrace, for You are the rock of my salvation. I can do nothing, I can will nothing, I can endeavor no cause of my own… I am entirely in Your providential hands, in Your sovereignty I rest. When those dearest to me wear me down to tears, may I run to You in every moment of my failings; let my conduct reflect You, not the deep wounds I receive. Teach me how to be self-controlled that I may not be tossed to and fro by the winds of men. Teach me of Your love, mercy, and grace that I might turn around and tenderly esteem others better than myself, no matter what their regard is toward me. My heart is failing as well as my flesh… to bear it I cannot imagine, but You are my strength, so bear it I shall. Let not self rule me, but let Your love be the rule I abide in. Let not my own opinions and one-sided sight blind me from the truth, rather let the truth unfold as You see fit- should my heart break, let it break plainly in Your sight, for I know You can piece it back together… to lose it would certainly be more than I can bear. Break me, if You must, but make me whole once again. My desires are naught, my hopes are insignificant, my own happiness is of no consequence, but only that You, my beloved Lord and Savior, be glorified in me. Should I suffer the pain of a separation I do not wish, comfort me as I move forward. Should my innocent hope for the ideal be unattainable, fill me with Your hope that I might not despair. I am Yours, use me as You see fit.

Amen

Psalm 66:16-20 "Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul. I cried unto him with my mouth, and he was extolled with my tongue. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me: But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me."