Monday, January 17, 2011

"THE One" verses "The One Chosen"

This is recently written but not recently thought... it has been a process of Jesus molding my convictions and thoughts regarding this subject. Hopefully the concept is clear. Comments are welcome! I enjoy reading people's thoughts on my thoughts, haha.

It is a common and widespread belief that everyone has a soul mate, someone who is their "other half", one man (or woman) who is "the one" they "fall in love" with. Why would you not believe this?-it's oozing with romance, right? False. But really, who wouldn't want to think that there is one perfect soul who fits you like no other can? Well, me. It has always struck me as bizarre to embrace this concept. Why? It is the allure that quickly forms a root of fear, despair, and even uncertainty. I wholeheartedly disagree with any belief or hopes of finding "THE One" and instead believe in "The One Chosen."

First, we must begin with extracting the origin of this nonsense "THE One." It began in Greek mythology. Humans originally possessed two heads and four arms. But the gods soon grew uneasy and begin to suspect they contained too much power and strength. A nagging fear swept through the gods and they were afraid humans might overthrow them etc. Most gods wanted to destroy them directly, Zeus, however, came up with a better idea. Why not just split the powerful bodies down the middle? Thus male and female were created. Sexual intercourse was now the way to obtain oneness once again. Now that the one person became two, all of humanity was destined the same fate. Now each human has a "soulmate", one person who is their "other half" who makes them whole again. Every person was left to search for "THE One" all their life until they finally found wholeness with the one who was their original perfect other half.

This is where "THE One" stems from. Is there any biblical truth to this? Logically, it is backwards from God's design. God created male AND female. They were completely separate beings from the beginning and yet God blessed males and females with the gift of sex where oneness could be enjoyed. God brought His two distinct persons together for the the purpose of complementing each other and the two different entities to become as one. Mythology says we were one then separated as a punishment. God is good (unfathomably good!) and would not, and did not, do that. He gave us each other as a gift, not a curse.

So, is there only one for each person? I believe God is sovereign and He knows the plans He has for us and who will end up with who. Does that mean you or I can make a mistake and "miss" the right one and end up with someone else by accident? Absolutely not. If God is the Author of our salvation, is He not the Author of the intricacies of our daily lives as well?

Just to edge in closer to abyss, let's expound on and open the pandora's box of attraction. To enter into the personal arena, I used to struggle with **attraction**. Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. I would contemplate how I could possibly be attracted to different guys (notice the pluralization) if there was only "THE One" who was out there for me? If there was only one, surely I would only be attracted to him, right? Well, I thought so. Perhaps not everyone sees it as clear cut as I used to. Attraction happens with out permission and certainly interrupts. At times it cannot be helped. You don't exactly choose who you are attracted to. You may convince yourself that you "like" certain attributes about another person, but it still differs from attraction. So if you are attracted to different people over the course of time, how in the world are you supposed to find that soul mate person? Is there a special hint of uniqueness at all, or is it blind luck? Perhaps it just doesn't exist.

In reality it is about "free will". I have been "attracted" ( I use this word lightly) to different men over the course of time, but have thus far denied them. Meaning, I haven't indulged in any pleasures leading to such oneness. It is about a choice, to accept or reject, though attraction may still be present. It is about a personal choice in attraction. There is one that seems worth it. You choose them. You choose one.

But it isn't that simple either. In this denying then eventually choosing one, that still doesn't mean they are "THE One." It simply means you chose one person you thought was worth risking yourself for. That one attractive other has caused you to be vulnerable and open yourself up to potential possibilities, potential oneness (in the context of marriage of course) and potential hurt. So it is a mutual exchange of attraction and choosing risk. That still doesn't mean they are "THE One" because you chose risk. If all ends well and the risk for potential oneness outweighed the potential hurt, you'll be wrapped up in love and get married. THEN they are now "The Chosen One". You have now decided this one person is worth loving and living your life with. It's a choosing to deny all other attractions to anyone else because you have promised to remain faithful, to keep oneness between only each other. You choose them, you choose commitment, and you choose loving them above any other person. It is choosing faithfulness and wholeness instead of selfishness and brokenness.

This is far more enticing and romantic. Everyone wants to be wanted. How exciting is it to think that you were destined/cursed to find one person and they are the only one you are capable of loving/suppose to love? The alternative is dangerous, risky, full of passion and excitement, and the end result is knowing you are wanted. It is a vibrant love, one that requires want, desire, and active love... not we were cursed to find each other so were supposed to love each other. To meet an imperfect sinful person and be initially attracted only to find you are absolutely enthralled with them is breath taking!

Life is not all rainbows and butterflies, there will be hurt caused by your very love. But to know they chose you, are committed to you, and want you above any other person, that is true love; that is true romance. Which would you prefer to believe in, "THE One" you have no say or control in (and cursed and cast away from, only to search for them with blind luck), or "The Chosen One"? I believe the latter is far more enchanting.

***NOTE: Attraction is not meant in this post as only physical attraction. There is far more to being "attracted" to someone of the opposite gender than mere looks. Beauty of mind, purity of heart, consistency in actions, in speech, in faith etc... and the physical appearance. They are interwoven. And as a disclaimer, when I spoke of "struggled with attraction" it is incumbent upon me to humbly say, in that place of my life I was steeped in selfishness and tended to notice handsome guys (not men, for they surely were NOT men) more easily and allowed that distraction without a second thought.-though I DID refrain from engaging in any wrong/illicit behavior (save for the foolishness of flirting).