Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Judah: A Most Beloved Entertaining brother!

I must share with you some moments that make me laugh and bring my heart such joy (and also cause me to slap my forehead as well!) in regards to the youngest of the family: Judah. I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I am for the time we spend together! I can say, with no guilty feelings, he is my FAVORITE younger brother (for he is my only younger brother!) and I would not trade the moments we have had this past year for ANY degree from college. (:

At church Sunday night, following the hymns and teaching, there was a small celebration in honor of the graduates within the church community. People instantly gravitated toward the food after the formalities. As we stood in line my younger brother, Judah, and I were talking of how next week, for the fellowship following church, it was a dress "old fashioned" theme; with a very straight face I said to Judah, I guess I don't need to change my attire... for it is pretty old fashioned to wear such long skirts. Judah grins and says: Well, it may be old fashioned for that... length... but... YOU aren't really old fashioned, at least... not in a fashion sense... for you are pretty old fashioned in a lot of things but... I mean... well... you look very stylish and uhh modern... and pretty in your long skirts... uhh. At this point I am chuckling, so I said, Yes perhaps I am old fashioned in my modest dress, but perhaps not so much in the old style. To this he gives a literal and loud sigh of relief and says, YES; I was trying to compliment you without offending you but it wasn't coming out right... so I laughed! Judah and I have the best moments together (:

Today, when I got home from work, my mom and Judah were cleaning out the closet that is in my room. I jumped right in to help to accomplish the job faster AND get all that junk off my floor (: As we were sorting through old stuffed animals, toys, clothes, etc. Deborah is "awwing" over everything and is not letting us throw/give away ANYTHING for it had "sentimental" value; I am sentimental too... but when my entire family tends to be packrats, I then rise to be ruthless! So I say, no, get rid of it there is NO point in keeping this or that. We must be ruthless crew! Judah joins in my cry and adds his own point: we must be heartless men! he proclaims. I then scrunch my face at him and said... no, just ruthless, not heartless! He rolls his eyes, Deborah is hugging all her old stuffed animals, and Judah says: Well, one person we know who wasn't Ruthless... Boaz! H'yuck H'yuck h'yuck! I chuckled; Deborah and my mom didn't get it so I explained how clever Judah is(; A little while later I notice that we had BLUE LIKE JAZZ on Bekah's bookshelf, in astonishment I demanded to know why this horrendous book was in my room! My mom exclaims GET RID OF IT IMMEDIATELY! I said, well I will sell it to half price books.. I might as well make some money of this heretic. Judah is instantly curious as to why I am suddenly so animated... I then say, might as well called it blue like blasphemy! Judah then asks what a heretic is, and I explain it to him. He then joins in the poking fun at this book.

The other night Judah and I were in the kitchen and he suddenly looks up at me and asks if we have any kool aid. I said no and with a bemused smile asked why (for I am expecting a Judah thought to spill out) and he says, oh, well I heard once that someone put kool aid in a coffee maker and made like... koolaid/coffee but without the coffee. We should do it! I then give my laughing consent and told him I would pick some up on my home from work. So, today, we made his coffee made kool aid.

Daily Judah comes into my room whenever I am studying; he generally, with an exasperated tone, declares he is bored. With a bemused smile (always) I ask if he has read any more of the book I let him borrow. He then throws up his hands in feigned annoyance and says: LEAH! It is SUMMER... Suuummmmerrrr, it is a sin to read in the summer! I then tell him, Judah you cannot say such things, for it isn't true, that is NOT a sin! And why would you accept my book if you didn't plan on reading it? To this he has no answer and then shuffles out my door (I cannot tell you how many times this scene has happened! haha!)

Whilst sitting at church before service started Judah leans over and says, Leah, I NEED 250 moneys before December. I gently say, Judah, you do not NEED that money, you only WANT it. He then adamantly declares it is most definitely a NEED. Then, with a bemused smile, I ask why. He plans to buy some gaming device. I suppress rolling my eyes and instead engage him. Judah, I say, I have asked you to wash and wax my car... and I would pay you! He then says, Leaaahhh, I didn't plan on "working" for it! (His words are dripping with sarcasm)-and one look from me and he says: Kidding; so, how much are you paying me?? I reiterate the same pricing as before. Then we move on to how he can mow lawns; to this he says, well... I actually wanted to pressure wash peoples driveways and anything else. I then ask what is keeping him from accomplishing his goal; to this he says well MAYBE the power washer is broken; I then demand to know how he knows it's broken without further investigation; to this he slumps a little and says... touche!

The most blessed is when he sees my light on in the late hours and comes in and asks "Whatcha doing?" And then, for he knows I am always reading, we talk about the bible, church truth, theology, doctrine... and this lasts for hours! Those nights bring my soul great joy!

This one funny moment is about both my brothers: Micah (22) and Judah (14). A few Sundays ago ALL of the siblings were at church... at one point in the sermon Brother Alan made a comment about "Dad's don't let you daughters out the door half dressed!" to this Micah and Judah share some funny joke... and it is whispered down the line, soon everyone is chuckling, except me(for I did not hear it). Once church was let out I asked what was so funny... and Judah or Micah (I cannot remember) then pass along person of the joke: Me. Why? When the afore mentioned comment was made, Micah said something along the lines of I can NOT believe Dad would allow Leah out of the door at anytime! To this, I suppress my grin, and then with a very straight face say, hardy har har you guys. (: For it is the running joke in the family to tease me about such things as modesty (among other things)... for it is insinuated I am the "most modest" and somewhat strange for wearing skirts every day!

Another funny moment (they seem to be endless!) was Judah walks in my room and says, Leah, want to watch a movie?? With a bemused smile, I say depends on what the movie content is. He then rolls his eyes and with a HUGE sigh goes, Ohhhh yeaaahhh, if it's not productive, you probably won't watch it! I laugh and say, I never said such a thing! He then rolls his eyes again and says, I know... but just AHH! He walks out mumbling (:

My favorite moments are when we play bananagrams together. I could not even BEGIN to tell you the hilarity of such times!

Judah and I differ on the premise of sarcasm verses facetiousness, but we always end up laughing about a lot of things the other says anyways! I find such enjoyment in all such moments with my family members!

I can't help but feel the joy welling up in my heart. Often times it can be disheartening; it seems that no one seems to notice if you are set apart or not. (Not that this matters... but it is still disheartening anyways). I live a quiet life and half the time do not believe I am impacting ANYONE. But it's moments like these when my wonderful younger brother, who knows me so well and sees the parts of me those who do not live at home cannot see, notices I am different. It's when I see but a glimpse of how my family sees me that my soul is bolstered in the grace of the Lord! People often question me as to why I wear skirts all the time, so I know people think me strange. But, when my fourteen year old brother notices my speech, dress, and conduct (and it only humbles me that such grace is prevalent in my life), and the consistency of it... and not only notices and silently watches me in this... I cannot think of what would afford me greater pleasure.

With humility I must walk. By God's grace, I am who I am. And in these funny moments, yet not so funny all at once, I am blessed to know that perhaps the Lord is allowing some light to shine after all.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It is Good for Me to Draw Near to God

I have been pondering these last few weeks, especially, how absolutely enjoyable life is when resting in the Lord's sovereignty. When I am submitted to His will, I am at peace. What joy is mine when I allow the Spirit of the living God to have His way in me! When conviction strikes, even as a serpent, swift and immediate pain; unless we act quickly it will course as a poison in our veins... slowly causing more discomfort unless we draw it out. (Though, this analogy is certainly flawed... for the conviction from the Holy Spirit does not cause our ultimate demise, but the sin in us). I am just so humbled to think of when I am imperfect, it is extremely painful when that conviction hits(for what could be worse than being unaware of the Spirit's correcting?)... but I wish so fervently to rejoice in the Lord always that I am grateful to be aware of any sin and then repent at once so that I may continue being sanctified and made more into the image of Christ.

I say this, because sin keeps us from the Lord. That is the separation. The stinging pain of shame causes me soul deep anguish; holy remorse is the immediate result if I am daily studying the Scriptures for more of my God. I do not wish for sin to abound, but to allow the God of all creation to abound in my life! My soul weeps to think that the things I have done, the things I am going to do, were the reason He was on the cross; but deep penetrating joy is mine for His incomprehensible grace took me from that place. And, with all my heart, I pray for more grace, because I just want to love Him, enjoy Him, proclaim of all His excellencies... and not to drag my feet to repentance.

(: I am trying to get to my main point, but, in light of the redemption at Calvary I cannot turn my mind from how He has lavished His love upon me when I was absolutely mortifyingly undeserving!

John 10:10 "I am come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." Over the years I have always kept that verse at the forefront of my mind. I am absolutely astounded at how He has so tenderly brought me to the place in life I am at now. It as if as each year passes, I am more sanctified, so more of His abundant life is revealed to me. I am quite certain many might look in upon my life and think it rather quite dull. (and to be quite honest, 6 years ago I would not have imagined the joy I have in the midst of where I am!) I am absolutely moved to know the God of heaven. I must know Him or my soul faints within me! With my free time I want to listen to words proclaimed about His truth, or read His truth, or read about others talking about His truth. I want to study until my eyes hurt and I MUST go to bed (or simply take my contacts out and continue reading with my glasses:). Then, apart from my studies, I find such joy in living at home. It is overwhelming joy to pray and find ways to find out how I fit within my home, how to serve my family, how to love my family, how to enjoy the time we have together (for such a deep loss of a sister makes you relish the moments with those still here). Even in practical means, the "grunt" work of the home, it all the Lord's grace that makes me heart delight in serving my family in EVERY way. Then, there are those outside the home. I cannot quite describe to you how much joy, laughter, and rich fellowship I have at work. WORK. I am so humbled that the good Lord would see how at this time in my life I have to work, and give me wonderful godly friends to work with, and wonderful customers to serve and minister to. Then, there are the younger girls I am so blessed to build friendships with and the patience they have with ME for tolerating my incessant proclamation every 5-10 seconds about how good God is, quoting scripture, and then answering my millions of questions I have for them about them. Then even my peers; I am so blessed by the people God has put in my life. To share the things God daily reveals to me... that they patiently listen to me and how no one seems to tire of my endless drive for edification (and how I cannot stand the meaningless), but rather, the join me. Then, of course, those brothers and sister in Christ who have walked the way before me. Oh, I am so blessed to have older wiser couples/women in my life. AND THE CHILDREN! Oh, how could you not love to hold a little one nestled in your arms?! Since it is not yet the time for me to have my own, I am so blessed when I get the time with any sweet precious little one. They are such a joy!

I want to enjoy every single person, place, and moment God chooses to bless me with. When the tears fall, I want to enjoy His goodness because He comforts me. When the laughter abounds, I want to rejoice that He has given me friendships that are pure and not corrupted by the worlds standard of "comedy". I do not know how long each person will remain in my life, but I want to make the most of every interaction and to revel in the Lord's grace as it unceasingly falls.

With a smile, I recall the memories of even the last few months (for MY how His grace has just been poured out upon me more and MORE) and how such peace, contentment, and joy that was always around. Each waking day is only better. It is not because life is perfect, but rather, because amid the imperfections, flaws, hurt, pain, and weariness of life, my soul cleaves to the God who's right hand upholdeth me; because God is sovereign, I must trust Him implicitly. To not trust Him, is folly.

As the Psalm 73:28 says, "But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works. "

And literally, I cannot hold it in even I were to try! As I draw near to God, trust Him more, I am so moved to declare of all His works! His excellencies are more than my heart can fathom, and I want everyone to enjoy the freedom of Christ and to know Him! And though I know not all are called, all those who are called I want to be so sensitive to the Holy Spirit's moving in me that I am but a vessel speaking as He would have me speak, loving as He would have me love, living as He would have me live.

And then... I am overwhelmed to think of the blessings to come. Why worry about tomorrow... when I can hardly even contain the blessings of today! In Him I place my trust.

Soli Deo gloria!

Monday, June 20, 2011

How Could Someone Love Me Forever?

I had a friend email me this Monday morning with questioning relationships and such; (amid the question asking of biblical roles of Husbands and Wives) one question stuck out to me: "I see all of my flaws and faults and it just makes me wonder how someone could love me forever?"

As I prayed over everything and how I ought to respond in full, I will share my response to this one question.

How could someone love you forever? Think of it this way: Firstly, God chose His people (1 Peter 1:9) and if you truly have been redeemed by Christ(Lamentations 3:58; Gal 3:13; Titus 2:14), bought with His precious blood (1 Cor 6:20) and not by any work or any added thing(1 Timothy 1:9; Gal 2:16)), and His Holy Spirit now dwells within you and has sealed you (Eph 1:13) setting you apart(Psalm4:3) as God's own child(Romans 8:15; Ga l4:6), this means that God has done literally done everything possible to love you forever; He knew you before you were born , He formed your inward parts(Psalm 139), He predestined you to be His child(Eph 1:5), HE CHOSE TO LOVE YOU. That choice is eternal and unchangeable (Phil 1:6; Romans 8:28-29). How could God love you, a wretched sinner (Romans 7:24; Psalm 14)? For His glory, His own namesake (Psalm 25:11), His own mercies sake (Psalm 6:4). Those who He loves, He loves eternally.

(: Truly, it all begins with the Lord. People are not perfect. But God's unmerited love is so moving... and so assuring! So, yes, if anyone enters marriage it is a lifelong commitment and covenant; but, God's love is the solidifying fact amid it all! He loved us first, even before our parents, before anyone.

And not that I claim extensive knowledge on such "roles" because I have yet to walk upon that path. I have, however, been blessed with godly parents who live the roles in front of me, as well as many other godly couples I am blessed to know. So, I can only point to scripture. But if there is one thing I DO know about, it is God's unconditional love for me! Hallelujah what a Savior divine, what love is mine!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Test Run (:

This is my "rough draft" and it is far from being done. I have not had the chance to edit this recently, due to many other things vying for my time and attention. I am not perfect, and I am ever learning; feel free to voice your comments, questions, or concerns (: I have not had the time to footnote in the scripture yet, so feel free to leave a comment with any scripture you believe would be beneficial to weaving into the theme! (For apart from scripture this whole "essay" is for naught!)

What of Feminism and Femininity:

Are the two synonymous?
I can only write what I personally have‭ ‬learned and know‭; ‬what I have learned has shocked me and caused my soul deep anguish.

‭“‬Feminists claimed that they would go down in history as heroines,‭ ‬but in the end,‭ ‬the only thing feminists will go down in history for is breaking up families,‭ ‬tearing down homes,‭ ‬and contributing to the mud-slide of cultural disintegration.‭”‬ Ana Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

‬To clearly define feminism and femininity must be done first and foremost‭; ‬the meanings must be defined so they are‭ ‬neither ambiguous nor used interchangeably within the following words‭; ‬they are distinct and separate and hold differing and opposing weight.‭ ‬So what exactly is meant by femininity‭?‬-it must be specified and noted that the only sure source for this term is to go to the infallible word of God; ‬the meaning is derived only from scripture,‭ ‬and can only be built upon and drawn from this foundation,‭ ‬it cannot and is not dictated by anything,‭ ‬or anyone else,‭ ‬and least of all the culture around us‭; ‬femininity,‭ ‬simply put,‭ ‬is God‭’‬s ordained role of what a true woman is supposed to be‭; ‬its essential purpose was illustrated in Genesis when God made woman as a helper suitable for man-it is a compliment of masculinity.‭ ‬What is meant by feminism‭?‬-in our westernized civilization it is much more evident,‭ ‬rampant,‭ ‬and widely accepted,‭ ‬however the conception of feministic ideals began with Eve‭ ‬in Genesis‭; ‬for simplicities sake:‭ ‬feminism,‭ ‬at its root,‭ ‬is self-seeking,‭ ‬independent,‭ ‬and its nature and desire is to weaken and dominate men.‭ ‬We see the former is about self-sacrifice and the latter is self-seeking.‭ ‬The premise and definitions are now clearly set.

It is easy to assume that,‭ ‬as Christians,‭ ‬we build our life upon the foundation of God‭’‬s word.‭ ‬But how true is this‭? ‬And how much have we really allowed an unbiblical culture to infiltrate and train us‭? ‬Could we be blind to how the cunning devilish scheme has actually discipled us more than the very word of God‭? ‬Has feminism been more widely accepted than God‭’‬s design‭? ‬Is it possible our whole perception has been skewed by the culture we are immersed in‭? Wholeheartedly I would say yes,‭ ‬and I can say this honestly because it has been evident in my own life.‭ ‬We would like to say we follow the word of God,‭ ‬that we delight in it,‭ ‬and that our purpose lies within the truth and heart of God.‭ ‬But isn‭’‬t our enemy far more ingenious than we credit him for‭? ‬There are‭ ‬parts of God‭’‬s truth we delight in,‭ ‬others we dismiss,‭ ‬or conveniently have never studied,‭ ‬or worse,‭ ‬have been taught false opinions on the controversial matters.‭ ‬It absolutely breaks my heart to say this,‭ ‬but even the God-fearing women I have been surrounded with growing up have often been so feministic,‭ ‬that the biblical role has been skewed and feminism is normative in Christian circles.‭ ‬Does this mean all of them,‭ ‬definitely not.‭ ‬Does this mean they are not godly women,‭ ‬that is not my place to say‭!‬-but my meaning is that perhaps even they have allowed feminism in without realizing it.‭ ‬This is the crux of the matter:‭ ‬feminism is so integrated within our normal perception and daily life that we can hardly even admit to it or distinguish it at‭ ‬times‭!

I believe it is hard to admit the‭ ‬truth mentioned afore because to do so seemingly opens a‭ ‬Pandora‭’‬s Box.‭ ‬If we admit that it is true,‭ ‬we are held accountable.‭ ‬If we are held accountable,‭ ‬we ought to make some changes.‭ ‬If we make some changes,‭ ‬it‭’‬s going to be process of submitting to the will of God and relinquishing selfishness and our own comfort.‭ ‬It is almost frightening because we do not have control,‭ ‬we cannot ascertain what might be the result of opening such a‭ “‬Pandora‭’‬s box.‭”‬ But I would‭ ‬suggest that if you truly are a regenerate believing woman,‭ ‬you can find rest in the Sovereignty of God‭; ‬for He is good and all His ways are for our good,‭ ‬never our detriment,‭ ‬but only for our freedom.

There then,‭ ‬that word freedom is widely misused.‭ ‬Isn‭’‬t feminism all about women‭’‬s freedom and rights‭? ‬Surely there is SOME good it has brought us‭!‬-absolutely not.‭ ‬This is a prime example of how we have even subtly accepted feminism‭! ‬Feminism does not seek the women‭’‬s good,‭ ‬it does not seek to allow her to have more freedom,‭ ‬and it does not seek her best interest.‭ ‬In fact,‭ ‬it actually tears down women.‭ ‬Feminism across the board has one goal:‭ ‬make women like men.‭ ‬It scoffs and mocks the‭ “‬traditional‭”‬ roles of women,‭ ‬it blatantly assumes that such a role is‭ ‬dehumanizing for women to adhere to.‭ ‬They insinuate women ought to assume the roles of men,‭ ‬that women can do all that men do.‭ ‬This is precisely one of the ways feminism disdains biblical‭ ‬femininity‭; ‬you are not valid unless you prove yourself just as capable as a man.‭ ‬They presume to uphold‭ “‬equality‭”‬ but really they promote manhood‭ ‬as the status to attain.‭ ‬Do they really believe in equality,‭ ‬or is this merely a guise to force women to abandon what it means to be a woman‭? ‬Only within a biblical context does it‭ ‬value,‭ ‬honor,‭ ‬and treasure women as distinctly separate,‭ ‬yet wholly necessary‭! ‬The bible states that the woman is the‭ glory of‭ the man, so by effect, the crowning glory of creation‭;‬ feminism thinks we are but a‭ ‬body with different anatomies.‭ ‬Under feminism women do not have freedom,‭ ‬they have restrictions and chains that say she must prove herself to be like a man,‭ ‬or else she is not worthy.‭ ‬In God‭’‬s truth,‭ ‬women have the freedom in His boundaries‭; ‬when they submit to Him,‭ ‬they are protected,‭ ‬loved,‭ ‬cherished,‭ ‬and encouraged to attain the loftiest heights of biblical beauty and usefulness:‭ ‬helping men subdue the earth.‭ ‬She is free to be what she was designed to be.‭ ‬Why in the world would one take on the pressure to be like a man,‭ ‬when she can devote her time to cultivate her femininity as the crowning glory of creation‭? ‬I would propose that feminism subtly dehumanizes God-ordained womanhood‭; ‬she is not accepted as‭ “‬equal‭”‬ if she submits to God‭’‬s design,‭ ‬she is seen as backward,‭ “‬anti-progressive‭”‬ in her ways,‭ ‬she is outdated,‭ ‬she‭ ‬“destroys‭”‬ her freedom,‭ ‬etc.‭ ‬The one who says‭ “‬Christianity is dehumanizing to women‭”‬ is actually far more subtly dehumanizing‭! ‬To say that a woman‭ ‬must be like a man and do as men‭ ‬do dehumanizes a woman‭’‬s role.‭ ‬Feminism is dehumanizing to women and‭ ‬it does not offer freedom.

I believe fear is a defining factor as to why women submit to feminism rather than God‭’‬s word.‭ ‬Let me reiterate that:‭ ‬when a Christ-following woman submits to feminism,‭ ‬she fails to submit to God.‭ ‬That in itself is a massive problem.‭ ‬By willingly following feministic ways,‭ ‬women‭ ‬deny the inerrancy of scripture‭;‬ essentially they are proclaiming to the world that they do not believe God is good,‭ ‬and they declare that God‭’‬s ways are not sufficient.‭ ‬They are afraid,‭ ‬wrongly afraid,‭ ‬of God.‭ ‬Another facet of this fear is perhaps women are afraid men will not rise to being men‭; ‬in this fear,‭ ‬they themselves fill the roles men fail to fill.‭ ‬But if women are busy filling the roles of men and becoming quasi men,‭ ‬who is to fill the roles‭ ‬of women‭? ‬When we step out of our God-given jurisdictional roles,‭ ‬things began to collapse.‭ ‬Isn‭’‬t this evident‭? ‬When women have stepped into the shoes of men,‭ ‬they rejected their beautiful role as mother and wife,‭ ‬and now are‭ “‬sexually liberated‭”‬ where‭ ‬they no longer‭ “‬need a man‭”‬ and instead‭ ‬sacrificially‭ ‬abort their children as a testament to their own‭ ‬selfish‭ “‬freedom‭”‬.‭ ‬Women are afraid to fulfill their calling.‭ ‬The root of it is sin‭; ‬we want to be our own gods,‭ ‬we want autonomy to be the defining rule,‭ ‬not God‭; ‬we want to usurp God‭’‬s authority.‭ ‬Eve,‭ ‬in the garden,‭ ‬sinned‭; ‬Adam was held responsible.‭ ‬He failed to protect her and be a shield for her‭!‬-he failed in his husbandly duties.‭ (‬It‭’‬s amazing,‭ ‬isn‭’‬t it‭?‬-‭ ‬since the beginning of the human race man‭ ‬apparently did not rise up and BE the man God designed him to be‭)‬.‭ ‬So it ought‭ ‬not to surprise‭ ‬us that men often fail in rising to the occasion‭; ‬on the flipside it ought‭ ‬not to surprise us that women try to dominate‭; ‬both these realities were present in Adam‭ ‬and Eve.‭ ‬They have given us a miserable inheritance.‭ ‬God,‭ ‬however,‭ ‬was gracious to give us His special revelation through the infallible scriptures and literally spell out His very design for us‭; ‬we have a place to look to go against the fallen man‭’‬s desires.‭ ‬But in that,‭ ‬we will fail every time‭; ‬we need Christ and His redemption to ever walk in His ways.‭ ‬Men will not be men apart from the grace of God,‭ ‬nor will women be women‭ (‬according to His design,‭ ‬not according to the culture‭)‬.‭ ‬To be afraid,‭ ‬is no‭ ‬excuse‭;‬ that is a lack of faith and trust in God and blatant disobedience to His word.

‬Now,‭ ‬perhaps you might think this is harsh,‭ ‬but feminism is harsh‭; ‬it is destroying everything the bible stands for‭! ‬To run the risk of being wildly‭ ‬unpopular and rejected,‭ ‬I will be explicit in bringing a few things to light.‭ ‬First,‭ ‬we must realize,‭ ‬though feminism pushes women to be as men,‭ ‬women‭ ‬still‭ ‬are submitting in all things.‭ ‬The question is,‭ ‬to whom and what are we submitting to‭? ‬Is it God‭’‬s word,‭ ‬or man‭’‬s expectation‭? ‬God‭ ‬says women are to be silent in church‭; ‬man says this is oppressive and backward.‭ ‬In the name of freedom‭ (‬or ignorance,‭ ‬or even blatant disobedience‭) ‬we have changed church to be‭ “‬feministically friendly‭”‬; but the real‭ ‬question is,‭ ‬if church is a matter of Sunday worship with simple commands in how we are to worship in scripture then all other fellowship,‭ ‬bible studies,‭ ‬and aspects of life a woman is free to‭ ‬not be silent.‭ ‬Why is this so offensive‭? (‬Maybe God knew that women‭’‬s nature was bent to dominate‭!) ‬This is highly offensive,‭ ‬I know‭; ‬if you ask me if I am silent in church,‭ ‬I believe I can honestly say yes‭‬.‭ ‬I bring my questions elsewhere‭ (‬namely to my parents,‭ ‬or even wise godly older women‭; ‬or I will study the word of God on my own‭)‬.‭ ‬Part of why this is so hard is because we have changed the dynamics of church in such a way it is impossible to be‭ “‬silent‭”‬.‭ ‬Sunday schools,‭ ‬stages,‭ ‬etc.‭ ‬Perhaps we have allowed feminism to not just influence church in this aspect,‭ ‬but‭ ‬absolutely paved a new concept of church for us.‭ ‬God says‭ ‬the father is the covering of the daughter until she is handed over to the husband,‭ ‬man says a woman needs a higher education,‭ ‬independence,‭ ‬status,‭ ‬an individual‭ ‬income,‭ ‬to be living on her own a few years.‭ ‬God says a woman is to be a helpmeet to the man and they are to cleave together and become as one‭; ‬man says a woman must be her own person,‭ ‬even in marriage,‭ ‬for she ought‭ ‬not to lose her identity.‭ ‬God says a woman is to be chaste,‭ ‬modest,‭ ‬servant-hearted,‭ ‬tender,‭ ‬kind,‭ ‬and‭ ‬loving person‭; ‬man says a woman is to be brazen,‭ ‬flaunting,‭ ‬manipulative,‭ ‬and to use all her wiles to gain status in this world.‭ ‬These are but a few,‭ ‬and certainly not an exhaustive list,‭ ‬of diametrically opposing worldviews.‭ ‬How can we presume that feminism is neutral‭? ‬How can we say that it has not radically disturbed the biblical order of things‭? ‬How can we be silent toward feminism,‭ ‬yet incessantly speak elsewhere‭?

In the end,‭ ‬I have seen shallow churches,‭ ‬fragmented homes,‭ ‬haughty‭ “‬educated‭”‬ women‭ (‬as well as women with‭ “‬good intentions‭”‬ but still not truly submitting their life to the word of God‭)‬,‭ ‬broken marriages,‭ ‬divorce,‭ ‬emotionally detached families,‭ ‬undisciplined children AND parents alike,‭ ‬man centered traditions,‭ ‬and a lack of reverence for the things of God.‭ ‬Modesty is a thing of the past‭; ‬chastity is long forgotten‭; ‬submissiveness is disdained‭; ‬biblical meaning has been skewed and to be a wife who works apart from the corporate machine and instead in the home is abhorred‭; ‬children are seen as a nuisance and not a blessing‭; ‬children are neglected if they are allowed‭; ‬husbands are not held to any standard for the woman rises to his position‭; ‬men are mocked,‭ ‬women are idolized‭; ‬rape and all sorts of perverse sins are‭ ‬RAMPANT and women are unprotected on every side‭; ‬to be feminine is seen as weakness‭; ‬it is noble to pursue anything except being a loving wife and mother‭; ‬in all of these few things I have seen and been exposed to,‭ ‬it is very clear to me that I live in a reality that is wholly opposed to what God calls me to.‭ ‬What He calls me to is not dependent on if he sends me a husband,‭ ‬but rather simply because He first loved me,‭ ‬chose me,‭ ‬redeemed me,‭ ‬and ever sanctifies me‭ ‬and He deserves all of me for His glory.‭ ‬He loves me,‭ ‬so His design and plan is good.‭ ‬He chose me,‭ ‬so in His sovereignty He will place just what I need in this life in His timing.‭ ‬He redeemed me,‭ ‬so I am not my own.‭ ‬He sanctifies me,‭ ‬that I might be more like His Son and a light unto the world.‭ ‬In the end,‭ ‬I am made to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever‭; ‬this is on His terms,‭ ‬not mine.

If anything in here is offensive,‭ ‬you might be a product of the feministic,‭ ‬humanistic,‭ ‬hedonistic,‭ ‬narcissistic,‭ ‬autonomous culture you are immersed in.‭ ‬If anything in here moves you toward the Lord and relinquishing self,‭ ‬you might just be a‭ ‬child of the King.‭ ‬Ultimately,‭ ‬this is but a glimpse and nothing I have said is new‭ (‬and it is woefully lacking understanding‭; ‬by the Lord‭’‬s grace He is ever opening my eyes to His truth and ways‭)‬.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

How Good is Our Lord!

I am reminded very tenderly, painfully, and joyfully just how good the Lord is; how Sovereign He is; how absolutely perfect He is. Because He holds the entire world down to the smallest atom in His hands, this means He is in control. Utterly. Completely. And of course, this is only natural; He is Creator, I am the created.

Tonight, I held my sister in a tender embrace (for her collarbone is fractured!) and had to gently say, the Lord is good! The clencher? He is good, not only because He took our sister to heaven exactly when He decided to, though "sooner" than we would have liked, but because He gave her to us for the time He did! I told her, He is Sovereign; it is not about us, but it truly is about Him... but in His grace He redeemed Dinah when He did and His sanctification work within her was absolutely stunning, vibrant, and evident to any who came in contact with her. In His grace, He chose her; in His perfect will, He swept her away from this life; in His mercy, He loved her. He is good. He planned to "take" her from us; He planned for the hurt and grief to come... but in that the tears are not a bad thing, for even Jesus wept! If He willed for us to "lose" a sister and knew the pain we would feel, He is still good; we have Him amid the tears. I told her, in everything, we must run to the Lord for only He can give us rest, peace, and comfort; only He can bind up our wounded hearts. As I prayed with her, my heart absolutely broke into a thousand pieces... for I remember those bitter moments before the Lord opened my eyes, before I had even a fraction of understanding His Sovereignty. I could not figure it out until I first realized, it was for His glory! It is all about Him! In hurt, when we praise His name, He is glorified.

And as the tears stung my eyes for the pain my little sister felt so deeply, I asked to pray with her. With each beat my heart seemed to breaking a little more. All I want is for her to grasp how good the Almighty God is in everything.

Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

What does the Lord owe us? Nothing. What do we deserve? Eternal separation from Him. What does the Lord give us elect? His grace, mercy, love, and goodness! We know that even amid the trials and pain, HE IS GOOD! We know when He pours out blessing, HE IS GOOD!

In the end, all I can do is buy icecream for my sister, sit with my sister, pray for my sister, listen to my sister, love my sister, weep for my sister, hug my sister; but only the Lord can give her what she truly needs: Himself. He is the only solid place, the only sure thing, the only reason, the only One who is so constant; in life He is all that makes sense in an upside down world.

Our Lord is so good. I was sinful, vile, totally corrupt, utterly depraved; but in His grace He took me from that place; in His grace He took my sin upon Himself, and gave me His righteousness. I deserved nothing, yet He gave me all I could ever need: Himself. Dear Dinah, she too received this gift of righteousness, eternal life, eternal hope, eternal rest with her Savior. She truly glorified her Maker with her life. Dinah, sanctified; Dinah, redeemed; Dinah, chosen; Dinah, loved; Dinah, the sweetest little girl with a fiery personality, a child of God. He is so good, byHis grace, I know I will see her again.

How good is our Lord!

Saturday, June 11, 2011


I have wrestled for a while whether or not I should share this part of my life "online". Is it too personal? Would it come across "holier than thou"? What message would it send? After much thought, I believe it would be beneficial to share. Firstly, because then people will see my "heart" better and understand much of why I say & what I do online(and every other area of my life!!); secondly, because people will see how imperfect I am, yet how I truly do seek the Lord amid my falls; lastly, because it is most humbling: people will see how far I am from living as I wish to live.

Last November the Lord impressed it upon my heart to put all of these to paper, though it is not "new" for me, it was "new" to write it down; and parts have been added in constantly as are more scriptures added in as well. It was inspired by Jonathan Edwards' resolutions; you can see them here. Instead of aiming for such lofty heights that I could not attain, I wanted to start simple; I wished to write short pertinent statements. It is plainly straightforward and but a short list to remind me each waking day how I wish to live. It is strategically placed where I see it multiple times a day. Again, it is a simple reminder for me personally (though it is incumbent upon me to note: though it was penned within my own words, I do not think the concepts only relate to my life; it really is for any Christian; I just happen to have a very elementary way of saying it compared to Edwards!)

Without further ado:

1. Resolved: To not be lazy or fall into idleness with my hands; but rather to use my time wisely to glorify the Lord in all things.
2. Resolved: To shield my eyes, ears, mind, and heart from the filth of this world.
3. Resolved: To implore the heart of God instead of judging and seeing people through my own (fleshly) eyes; to treat others as Christ would despite their sin, but in love, serve them in the manner of Christ's example.
4. Resolved: To be pure in my dress, speech, mind, heart, and conduct.
5. Resolved: To study, meditate, and learn God’s word daily.
6. Resolved: To be in constant communication with the Holy Spirit; both in intentional and continual prayer throughout the day.
7. Resolved: To live with every fiber of my being as long as I live upon this earth.
8. Resolved: To never do anything in half-measures.
9. Resolved: To strive, by God’s grace, to my utmost to be brought into a deeper more solidified relationship with my Savior than the previous week.
10. Resolved: To humbly inquire each night the state of my own sinfulness before God; so that I may repent and return with more fullness to Him.
11. Resolved: To begin each day relying upon the Lord.
12. Resolved: To live above reproach.
13. Resolved: To truly live where God’s love is better than life.
14. Resolved: In all things to know my Lord and Savior and make Him known; to live for Him alone.
15. Resolved: To know, study, learn, protect, proclaim, and live God’s truth-no matter what the cost.
16. Resolved: To daily seek my God with all my heart.
17. Resolved: To trust my God implicitly in every area of my life.

1. 1 Corinthians 15:58; Proverbs 6:6/ 15:19
2. Psalm 119:37; Philippians 4:8; Titus 2:12; Colossians 3:2; 2 Timothy 2:19/ 2:16
3. Philippians 2:3-8
4. Colossians 4:6; 1 Timothy 1:5/ 2:9-10/ 4:12; Ephesians 4:29; 2 Timothy 4:22
5. Psalm 1:2/ 119:104
6. Galatians 5:16-26; Philippians 4:4; 1 Thessalonians 5:17
7. John 10:10
8. 1 Corinthians 15:58/ 10:31
9. 2 Corinthians 13:5; Psalm 42:1-2, 7
10. Psalm 61/ 139:23-24
11. Psalm 118:24
12. Colossians 1:22
13. Psalm 63/ 73:25
14. 1 Timothy 4:7; Titus 2:14; Psalm 119:46; Psalm 73:28
15. Psalm 119:44-48/ 73:28; 1 Timothy 6:20/ 3:16-4:8; 1 Corinthians 10:13
16. Psalm 119:10; Jeremiah 29:13
17. Psalm 33:21/ 56:3; 2 Corinthians 1:9; Jeremiah 48:7; 2 Chronicles 14:11

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Grace in Trials

Father of Mercies,
Hear me for Jesus' sake.
I am sinful even in my closest walk with thee;
it is thy mercy I died not long ago;
Thy grace has given me faith in the cross
by which thou hast reconciled thyself to me and me to thee,
drawing me by thy great love,
reckoning me as innocent in Christ though guilty myself
Giver of all graces,
I look to thee for strength to maintain them in me,
for it is hard to practise what I believe.
Strengthen me against temptations.
My heart is an unexhausted fountain of sin,
a river of curruption since childhood days,
flowing on in every pattern of behaviour;
Thou has disarmed me of the means in which I trusted,
and I have no strength but in thee.
Thou alone canst hold back my evil ways,
but without thy grace to sustain me I fall.
Satan's darts quickly inflame me,
and the shield that should quench them easily drops from my hand:
Empower me against his wiles and assaults.
Keep me sensible of my weakness,
and of my dependence upon thy strength.
Let every trial teach me more of thy peace, more of thy love.
Thy Holy Spirit is given to increase thy graces,
and I cannot preserve or improve them
unless he works continually in me.
May he confirm my trust in thy promised help,
and let me walk humbly in dependence upon thee,
for Jesus' sake.

(Scripture of note this evening: Psalm 34 and Philippians 4)

May my heart rest in this steadfast truth and my lips ever declare that the Lord is good. Always. (:

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Coming Soon:

I am in the process of writing a really offensive piece (: It is my first attempt to put "pen to paper" in recording what the Lord has taught me these past two years regarding biblical womanhood. It is not so much an all-inclusive narrative of many things He has taught me; rather, it is actually just an overview and attempt at writing it in such a way that others might comprehend it. It is not exhaustive, and it certainly not is EVERYTHING I have learned, but merely one specific point.

The final product is far from done. I have let the overflow from my heart and head be put onto a word document; but the revisions have yet to begin, the scriptures have not been footnoted in, and it is far from polished. I don't know if I will release a "rough" version of it here; perhaps the few of you who read this blog might give me some constructive criticism. (For I am quite convinced it needs MUCH of it!)

Anyway, I am just excited about this!

Coming soon:

What of Feminism and Femininity?

Are the Two synonymous?

I can only write what I personally have learned and know; what I have learned has shocked me and caused my soul deep anguish.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Dear Sister

I wrote this to a friend; the more I thought about it... the more I realized it was not just an intensely personal email/letter, but rather one that is easily shared for any eyes. Though I did not disclose her name and who it was for. (: It is one of my joys to write to others. I feel as if this "Dear Sister" could really be written to any of my sisters in Christ; thus it is shared here.

Dear Sister,

I felt compelled to share some of the things the Lord has revealed, taught me, and allowed me to learn recently. (:

Often times we can be so “offended” by others, hurt by others, angered by others, and essentially harbor unforgiveness. Which seems only logical considering all men are sinners, no one does anything good by his own will; but does this validate and mean sin may abound?-of course not, and I know you know this! We are reactionary in response to their first action. It only perpetuates sin! But we were not commanded to live in this way; we were not redeemed that sin may abound so that grace may abound-grace abounds in such a way to keep us from sin, for sin is that which keeps us from God. Through His sanctifying work within us we are transformed by the renewing of our mind to be made more into the image of Christ; this means walking in His freedom and not conforming to the ways of the world (how they respond to others sinfully) and instead be like our Lord.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

I know you know this verse, it is one of the most well-known verses in all of Christendom! But might we take a moment to revel in the beauty of it? The chief characteristic of God is love; the chief characteristic of love is giving. (Which we can plainly comprehend through the afore mentioned verse!) He gave His Son for you and I, and every other believer. But in that, He forgave us. The first facet of understanding giving is forgiving; then we may better understand this facet of His love. Hebrews 12:15 “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;” When we do not let the grace of God and His sanctifying work within us abound… we may be entangled in the root of bitterness that springs up! But more than this we don’t even have the right to unforgiveness in light of the atoning work on Calvary! He forgave us. He forgave us! If He, the perfect sinless Son of God, who was submissive to the will of God His Father can forgive when we were totally and utterly opposed to Him, completely sinful, wholly offensive, chained to the wickedness of our depraved heart, then it is incumbent upon us to be so indebted in gratitude to never harbor a resentful, bitter, unforgiving spirit. For, He forgave us when we could never deserve it. On this note, as well, we do not even have the right to pull our own sin up from the past, because Christ’s blood was sufficient for erasing them, atoning for them, washing them away making us white as snow, and blotting them out entirely; our sins cease to exist for He imputed His righteousness on us that we may now be His children who are righteous. And we must remember if we do not forgive, we cannot give anything; Matthew 5:23.

Often times the flesh rises up and we are so wholly offended by another, we forget that we have no right to even be offended. And it is so incredibly challenging to live by this standard, especially in regards to our own family. They are the ones who see us at our weakest, they know how to push our buttons (intentionally or not), they know us better than anyone else. But if we cannot learn how to surrender our will to the Father’s in walking in humility, forgiveness, and His ways toward our family, how can we ever expect to love others? Do they deserve you forgiving them? Absolutely not. But did you ever deserve Christ’s sacrifice that has given you eternal hope? Absolutely not. God is sovereign and sees all, He is at work within others; we must simply live according to His word and look not at others, but allow Christ to root out our very own sin (for there is enough in us for Him to deal with us for a lifetime; but instead of letting that dishearten us, may it be a source of absolute wonder that He deals so patiently and faithfully with us!)

So in the end, though there are those around us that drive us seemingly mad, we need look no where else but the face of our Lord; He is the standard, He is sufficient, He is the only source in all our dealings-His scripture is wholly capable of showing us His standard, His sufficiency, and the very source of how to deal with everyday life. We are to be servants, especially so since we are women, the crowning glory of creation! I think that is quite beautiful, don’t you? We have been designed for such a role where servant-heartedness may abound in sacrificially and humbly pouring our lives out for those we love; we have the duty to exemplify this attribute of our Lord in such a unique way. My, how it ravishes my heart to think how He loves us, created us, chose us, redeemed us, and continues His sanctifying work in us each and every day!

Sweet sister, I do love you so! May our friendship ever increase in iron sharpening, admonishment, encouragement, and sweet fellowship! We are not perfect, but that does not mean we do not live in holiness; we are to discipline ourselves for the purpose of godliness; we are to be lights in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation. And to be a light is to be diametrically opposed to darkness… often times this is so difficult, we want purity but we are so immersed in an impure godless culture that it seeps in when we don’t realize it; we are to be different from everyone else, and so what if they mock us or do not understand, scripture promises us persecution will come (and here in our westernized Americanized culture… the persecution really is quite “light”); we are to be different so we might preserve God’s ways. Like Paul we ought not be ashamed of the Gospel, for this is the very reason we have hope! Take heart and know that the Lord blesses those who keep His commandments. As we learn and grow, let us not be so prideful to even relinquish those “good” things we are so comfortable with and instead press on toward the goal and bless the Lord when He removes the meaningless and sin in us. I know that is one the biggest things He has taught me… I cannot be so proud that He cannot work holiness in me because I have a form of godliness (but am more than likely denying its power due to my own pride). I have so much I have yet to learn, but by His grace, I will relinquish more self to have more of Him.

(: Always praying for you dear friend!

In Christ,


Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Decline of the Individual

" 'The decline of the individual' is a common topic of discussion; that the individual has declined is no wonder. Having made himself the ultimate law, man has reduced all being to the limited measure of his fallen will, which, as Paul noted in Romans 1:27, burns out in perversion to the destruction of man and his culture. The individual shrinks when the individual is ultimate, but, measured against God's calling and the requirements of the image of God in man, he gains true stature in Christ."

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Way of the World

A friend of mine wrote this poem. I could begin with a lengthy description, but I believe his very words declare the integrity of the one who wrote it.

The Way of the World
Samuel Allison

The way of the world is vanity and leadeth unto death.

In vain you search for lasting fame and riches yet untold.

You In your pride and arrogance, anoint yourself as king;

And hence set forth to claim for thee, the riches of the earth.

But wealth and pleasures of the world; are but a fleeting thing;

And when your heart and mind; lie empty in your soul;

They tell you: Fill it up! With still far more and more!

But each new time you buy this lie, you further sink within;

Until one day you see the truth; there’s nothing you can do!

For only he who maketh thee can give you life anew.

That pit so great and void so deep, is there because of sin;

That sin that you have done, in secret and in day.

So if you hear his voice today, harden not your heart;

And bend the knee unto the Lord, the maker of your soul.

Confess your sins and turn away; from all your ways of old.

Then joyfully proclaim him; savoir, king, and Lord.

He then in loving kindness will, enrapture you in love.

He’ll blot out all iniquity and wash thee with his blood;

And then you’ll know true happiness and joy and peace and love.

In joyous praises will you sing, unto the lord most high;

His name you will exult on high, for wondrous is his love.

And as the sands of time sink on, it’ll only grow and grow;

Until at last in glory raised; God brings his child home.

I want to weep for all of those souls wandering in darkness, who WILL enter the light-by the Lord's sovereign drawing them unto Him. I look around and am so overwhelmed by what I see, what I experience, what is blatantly thrown in my face. These people need Christ and His redemption. This culture needs the law of God.

Then it drives me to my knees in tearful gratitude. I cannot help but feel the pressing weight of His love and sanctification within me... why? Why are my eyes ever opening to His ways, truth, grace, and love? He is so faithful, He infuses His faithfulness within me when I was but faithless. It is this intense and utter gratitude that causes me to wish to learn more, grow more, and proclaim just how great and worthy He is-to tell everyone of His mercy and justice.

It seems the more I read scripture, the more I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for what He has done for me, is doing for me, and will do for me! Rejoicing always is a reality more sweet than a thousand drips of honey; Praying continually is as breathing air; I cannot stop from giving Him thanks!

Psalm 6:1-4 O LORD, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed. My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake.

I read the sixth Psalm this morning. It is not for our sake He saves us, but His own- His own mercies sake. It is within the character of God to be just and to be merciful. It should not surprise us that there are many are eternally destined to hell, just as there are the elect eternally destined to be in the presence of God in heaven (all due to HIS SOVEREIGNTY!) Which is all the more reason to allow fresh tears each morning, new songs of praise upon my lips, and humbly living for Him alone... because in His providence He chose me. Oh what a foretaste of glory divine!

Now, all I can do and be is a willing vessel for His purposes; and there is nothing else I desire. For the way of the world is but vanity, but the way of Christ is life.