Wednesday, December 15, 2010

What can I even say?

In moments of silence and stillness I am caught up in God's overflow of grace. In moments such as these what can I do but trust? Each step I take is guided by a God so faithful I could never deny His love and tender leading. Patience must prevail. And yet? There is an urgency deep inside me... a longing, a hope, a desire of sorts. I am here, but with all my soul I wish to be there already. Where is there? I say I would be content to even know where there is! But more longings would overwhelm me. It oppresses me... I want to know what exactly the Lord is leading me to do. Being still does not mean being restful... it has been many months of wrestling in prayer and anguish and begging the Lord to send me somewhere, anywhere! But I am here. He knows best.

I love questions, and at times I get a picture in my mind that I ask things over and over again and He simply smiles and looks upon me with bemusement... Dearest Leah, I imagine Him speaking into me soul, your patience is only patience if it prevails. I will give you the answers when you are ready, and not a moment before. !! I mean that's what I think most of the time. I must not be ready for the answers. Maybe they would terrify me, or maybe there is more preparation I am needing. Or maybe this is a beautiful season of deepening the intimacy we share. I have a beautiful season of simply knowing my heavenly love better and better.

But truly. He is enough. I wake up and see my life through worldly eyes and sigh. Why? Why am I in this place? It is so humbling and I hate it. Then as my soul stirs to the sweet beckoning of my Savior and I see my life through His eyes... and I sigh. I have Him, and no matter what I am in this life, He is enough. I have eternity to look forward to. So I can trust and wait.

The dearest One of my heart loves me and is good. So I love Him and trust His timing is not only good, but perfect as well.

My heart is stirred by words I've heard,
In a beautifully written letter...
My soul does sing and joy it brings
For this is unfathomably better!

I must confess I cannot express
How this came to be...
Holy desire soon caught on fire
And I fell in love with Thee.

1 comment:

Fivel said...

Yes, He is enough, indeed...

Smiling because of YOU!