Pastoral Encouragement

It's amazing how the words of other believers stay with you for years... and when you read them once again you are humbled all over again and encouraged all at once.

I found/reread this email sent to me from a pastor of a church I went to nearly two years ago. The Lord used his words to lift me up once again... it is so striking some of the things he said...

"Leah,

First of all, thank you times a million for sending this and sharing what
God has been doing in your hearts for years. It is my testimony! Praise
the Lord! As I was trying to share last night, you come across as
different, passionate in ways that is not normal. You may not even realize
it, but it carries authority in ways that is obviously a spiritual gifting.
So your growth and intimacy with God is vital. You may even try to fall
back in the future, but it can only be for a season as God's amazing grace
woos you back. So, don't go there and allow God to use you daily. One
warning: you will be called many names and accused of being judgmental and
legalistic as God's Word really becomes your final authority for all of
life. You will bring conviction when you walk in the room and good people
you love will try to avoid you. It is the cross we bear for our wonderful
Savior.

On the positive side, you will be blessed with a peace and a faith beyond
compare. People will encourage you and write nice e-mails to you as God
uses you to bring life-change. He does it and we are His jars of clay"

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

How blessed it is to have such brothers and sisters to admonish you when you need it, as well as encourage you when you need it!

The Sorrow in the Air

I wrote this poem a few days ago. Though my heart breaks and my sorrow is so overwhelming... the Lord is still so good and so gracious amid every heartache and affliction. Though there are those who seek to tear me down, the rock of my salvation is Christ, not my own works or merit. Though I would wish for life to be easier... if the good Lord saw fit to test me and afflictions are thrust upon me in this sinful world, by His grace and His strength I will walk through the fire of adversity, for He is with me. Though others forsake me, He never will.

Oh how deep the Father's love is! Oh how much I love Him and desire to honor and glorify Him with my lips. All my days I want to be used for His glory, all I desire is to please Him, not man.

Inside my heart is breaking,

And my strength is almost gone;

All the sorrow and the aching,

Make me hesitate to go on.

The lump inside my throat,

Is permanently stinging…

Each conversation, every note,

Bring me closer to my crying.

Heart-wrenching every moment,

So weary of it all;

My heart is almost spent,

And I want to curl up in a ball.

But a mighty saving grace,

Has kept me from that place.

A tender loving Father,

Sees every tear and every bother.

When my strength fails,

He strengthens me.

When my heart wails,

His comfort is nearer to me.

The saints He has chosen,

Bring me joy from above…

His love is their love,

Shown to me so free.

Though the pain does not leave,

And my sorrow is evident…

My Lord I trust and believe,

Loves me continually.

Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 63:3-8 "Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.

Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches. Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me."

Psalm 18:1-6 "I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears."

Loved

"As God did not at first choose you because you were high, He will not now forsake you because you are low."

— John Flavel

I am so overwhelmed by the love of our most gracious heavenly Father. Just because this world gets "turned upside down" does not shake or phase the glorious God of heaven. Nothing catches Him by surprise. Though tears silently roll down my cheeks when no one is looking... His powerful over arching love, joy, peace, and comfort swallow me up and I realize just how good He is... all the time.

Though I learned when Dinah died what pure joy was amid any circumstance... I am living it all over again. It is so humbling all the truth He lays out before my eyes. The moments I feel faint or I want to curl up in a ball and ignore reality, His blessed saints draw me in with their life and laughter and I find myself joining in as naturally as could be. I am so thankful I am not alone right now. I am so thankful for the tender care the Lord has bestowed on my life right now.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, for He alone is worthy to be praised. Bless His holy name... the lips of this young lady are humbled to the deepest parts within me that I am chosen to proclaim His excellencies, for I am so aware of how unworthy I am, but I am moved by profound gratitude because of His mercies sake He loves me. How unfathomable it is that He holds me in His right hand?-how unfathomable it is that I find rest in the shadow of His wings! He is all glory, honor, and praise... He is so magnificent! Oh how I love Him, how my heart is satisfied in His love, how my all rests within His sovereign will... and I would not wish it to be any other way. He is so good.

I am so grateful it is not by my merit or any of my doing that I am the Lord's chosen. How shaky my foundation would be if I were trying to please Him or even depending upon my own human strength. He first chose me and knew me before I could even know Him... and I rest in that. I am moved to relinquish that which hinders me from serving my beloved Savior. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and want to live unapologetically for His name. Though I am not perfect, I strive for perfection because He deserves nothing less... though He bestows His love so freely and I am secure in Him, I want to walk in holiness, I want to be rid of all my vile sin, I want to walk as He has revealed in His scriptures. Just because I am chosen, just because it was a free gift, just because I have eternal security... does in no way give me license (or desire!) to go on sinning so that grace may abound. I hate the sin that I once loved, because I love the God I once hated. Oh how my heart sings a joyous song of adoration for such love is mine!

I am so in love with, so dearly loved... so enthralled by the love of my King!

Safe & Protected

I woke up really early this morning, considering I didn't fall asleep until late (but that's also because I got the blessing of talking to one of my dearly loved best friends!-who has been a constant encouragement to me over the years, despite our differences:). It was about 6:30 in the am my sleepy eyes opened up. After lying there and praying for a while, I started thinking about the things I have planned today. I realized it was so early I had plenty of time to do something I have been wanting to do a lot lately, but haven't had time to: take my beautiful lab for a walk!

These pictures are a couple years old, but the only ones I have with her. She's soo affectionate and thinks she is a lap dog (:

So I took Bentley for a walk this morning since I had the time, and felt very rested waking up. (I will sleep well tonight!). It is beautiful weather today. Considering we have been in the worst drought down here in Texas... it was a perfect morning. The breeze was cool on my sweaty neck and brow (that dog sure likes to pull!-at least the first 5 minutes, then she calms down) and the sun was coming up.

I have to start out keeping the leash really close to me and a tight grip on her, for she gets easily excited and will literally pull me down the street if I don't. But she finally got to a calm walking pace. She really is a beautiful lab, and any time I take her out people always compliment her. This time was no different; a couple of power walking ladies started "awwing" at her and saying how beautiful she was. I immediately tightened my grip on the leash... because the walked forward and her hair was sticking straight up on her back... and she lunged at them growling (these were LADIES, not even a MAN!!) and they were so taken aback and said, "Well, I have NEVER seen a lab act like that" and I smiled and said, "She really is sweet, but she is very protective of me." That seemed to sit well with them and they smiled and said that was sweet and walked on.

As I walked forward with her she kept looking back at me and wagging her tail so I stopped and she sat down and started rubbing her head on my leg, so I bent down and pet her and she started licking my ear (: We kept on and I began to notice anytime there was a person nearby she immediately tensed up and would walk right next to me and stuck very close to me... and slowly walked by. There was a big van with 3 "mexicans" (I mean it is Texas, but I don't want to stereotype...) in it driving slowly by and she tensed up again and stared at them and wouldn't walk forward until they turned the corner.

I say all that for this reason: she is the most affectionate dog and loves to sit in my lap, lick my ear (I don't let her lick my face...), and be near me... but when it comes to a sense of danger or adversity, she instantly is out to protect me. I could very easily be "nervous" walking alone in the neighborhood by myself as a young lady... but when I take her for a walk literally nothing will get to me because she would sooner attack someone than let them near me.

I began to think about how safe that made me feel. And protected. And how both of those made me feel secure. I know she's just a dog, but I love her in the proper sense none the less!

Then I began to think in general how when the Lord blesses me with that safety, security, and people He places in my life to be "protectors". I have no reason to fear irrationally since I know the Lord is with me. I don't like being alone, I like having a protector. Ultimately my rest is in the Lord, and He is my strength. But I can't help but pray, Lord, if You would will, how blessed I would be to have a husband to love me in such a way all my days. But until that day comes, I am secure in the means He has provided until such a time comes.

It comes down to what I often say when in conversations about these things: women want to be protected, provided for, cherished, and loved-which are all ways of loving. And of course, discipled. But that means submitting to the design the Lord has given, which is not very popular.

I digress. (: It was a lovely morning and I love the creatures God has put on this earth and I wish I could have "a million" dogs and other animals one day! (;

Grievous Abortion Story

Read Here

This absolutely breaks my heart! It is amazing how she understood how wrong it was, how horrible it made her feel, yet she did anyways. I just want to weep when I read stories like this, for the fear and insecurity women have is heart wrenching... even unsaved women have the desire to be loved, protected, and cherished by a man-they cannot even suppress that. It just goes to show how entangling sin is-when you do not submit to God's ordination of marriage, you live together and the lifelong covenant is not there... so pregnancy is not eagerly anticipated as a blessing from the Lord, but something to fear and abhor (look at those comments under the article!)- it makes me think of this verse

James 1:14-15 "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."

It is not only an abortion issue, but so much more. What is is worse is the fact that it seemed the mentality of the article was "Don't make it mandatory for mothers to see the sonogram and know truth, it will make them feel guilty!"

How grievous our sin is, how morally bankrupt our culture is, how absolutely mortifying it is to realize how completely blind and destitute we are apart from the grace of God!

Internet Hiatus

Hello all 3 of you who read this (;

In the next couple of days I am going to begin the long put off "internet hiatus". I am somewhat known for my periodic exits from the online socializing world (texting too); so this really should not come as a surprise.

For my own self control (or rather because I lack it??) I'm just going to make this blog "private" or "deactivate" it or whatever. I really am giving no one an alternative to reach me for only those who see me in real life (or who call me on the phone) will actually have a way to get a hold of me!

I will be back eventually. I may even type up some good "blogs" to post after my hiatus; who knows? (:

I wish to redeem the time I have and not even be tempted to use more time online than I ought to. Perhaps this is very selfish of me... but considering I will be help accountable for my actions and stewarding the time and life God has given me... I really think my decision cannot be COMPLETELY selfish. (:

Deep Perplexing Thought

I am inundated with deep perplexing thoughts. I cannot dare to share them, but they are pressed upon my soul anyways. In the days to come my knees will grow weary of the prayer that is to come!-but this is my wish and intention. I cling to the 37th Psalm; I cling to the Lord for His right hand upholdeth me; I cling to the promise that as I seek the Lord evermore, He will direct me in the way I should go. If anything I have learned/am learning is this: I cannot and ought not worry about ANYTHING. I can only be concerned with me and my relation to God. All else will be worked out as I am preparing my hands to do service for the Lord and His glory! He is my trajectory; He is my focus; He is the reason my very heart is beating and I only wish for each beat to be for His glory.

I remember the very lonely nights in my dorm room at college. Though they truly were not "alone" for it only brought me to sweet hours upon hours of prayer with my Heavenly Father. I cannot fathom what my life would be like apart from the grace of God; truly, I cannot begin to imagine what a lonely soul might feel with no hope or purpose or promises of God. I am extremely social and yet very anti-social. At school it was rare for anyone to be invited to my dorm room except for the very intentional purpose of fellowship and peeling the layers of a person to know them better (and even then, I was very specific in who I invited over). I did not frequent other's rooms very often. This was the "thing" to do, it was considered somewhat odd to not constantly have people in your room or be invited over. I simply sidestepped this tradition and instead kept very intentional tabs on all that I did and all I allowed over, if at all. I don't think I could have handled all the social chatter (and as I think through this... I am convinced if I was immersed into the college culture in such a way my relationship with the Lord would have suffered and I would not have heeded the Spirit's directing me out of such a place; I would still be there today if I did not have those "lonely" nights of prayer). The point is, much of my nights were spent NOT studying the philosophies of the classroom and textbooks, NOT spent socializing, NOT spent going to "Northgate" and that scene, and instead it was spent in many many nights of prayer (and of course reading the word).

Prayer is essential. Everything in my life that ever caused me to deep perplexing thought on the shifting things in my life were times I was completely immersed in prayer.

The Lord is so good. My heart is ravished by the astounding love He extends to me. He chose me, He redeemed me, He sanctifies me, He LOVES me! His Sovereign will extends to the end of my life and I know He holds every piece of me in His kind and gracious hands. As His righteous instrument and vessel, I am moved to live in accordance to His will and simply be a humble means of proclaiming just how wonderful He is in all His faithful workings in His children.

I originally planned to share this prayer:

In Prayer

O Lord,

In prayer I launch far out into the eternal world,

and on that broad ocean my soul triumphs

over all the evils on the shores of mortality.

Time, with its gay amusements and cruel

disappointments, never appears so inconsiderate

as then.

In prayer I see myself as nothing;

I find my heart going after Thee with intensity,

and long with vehement thirst to live to Thee.

Blessed be the strong gales of the Spirit

that speed me on my way to the New Jerusalem.

In prayer all things here below vanish,

and nothing seems important

but holiness of heart and the salvation of others.

In prayer all my worldly cares, fears, anxieties disappear,

and are of little significance as a puff of wind.

In prayer my soul inwardly exults with lively

thoughts at what Thou art doing for They church,

and I long that Thou shouldest get Thyself a great

name from sinners returning to Zion.

In prayer I am lifted above the frowns and flatteries

of life,

and taste heavenly joys;

entering into the eternal world

I can give myself to Thee with all my heart,

to be Thine forever.

In prayer I can place all my concerns in Thy hands,

to be entirely at Thy disposal,

having no will or interest of my own.

In prayer I can intercede for my friends, ministers,

sinners, the church, Thy kingdom to come,

with greatest freedom, ardent hopes,

as a son to his father,

as a lover to the beloved.

Help me be all prayer

and never to cease praying.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

Psalm 31:1-3,5 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in they righteousness. Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me... Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.

Psalm 28:6-7 Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Psalm 4:3 But know that the LORD hath set apart him that is godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call unto him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.

How unfathomable it is that we are given the privilege to pray and let our deepest groanings of the soul, both groans of joy and groans of anguish when do not understand, be laid bare before the Lord and yet in this the Lord is still Sovereign. We pray and He hears our supplications!-and His sovereign will is accomplished. May this not be a source of laziness, but of profound gratitude. I cannot comprehend such incomprehensible notions... that the glorious God of heaven would incline His ear to hear the faint prayers of my heart! Truly, His lovingkindness extends further than I will ever know. With joy I pray! By His grace every move I make in this life has purpose. May He be glorified in my failings as well as my successes: for He is the great Sovereign Almighty. In prayer I find, that though I may have deep perplexing thought, it is a source of absolute peace that passes all understanding.