To me it seems absolutely insane a year could have passed so fast. Honestly 2008 was not great by any means. But I believe it was a very important year none the less.
One year ago I prayed with everything in me for God to finally send a guy into my life to knock me off my feet. Haha God sure has a sense of humor. He sent a guy who knocked me to my knees and turned me towards Him. Literally, one month with one guy who didn't believe in Christ's authority and sovereign power changed me radically. That sent me on a path following my Saviour with everything in me. I've grown so much last year. I don't plan to stop.
One year ago, I made a list of resolutions. Thankfully I didn't keep them all. Funniest one? Finally "make out with a dude." (And why? Just because everyone gave me a hard time because I have never kissed a guy in my life) But I REALLY don't want to anymore. I actually want to save myself completely for one person. Since Christ calls us to a life of purity, I always had a hard time grasping that. I know it's crazy, and possibly lame, but who CARES. It means I don't want to date anyone, nor do I want to play the kissing game. One day, one guy will appreciate that I didn't give my body away freely, even in just a simple kiss. And if no such guy exists, then I shall remain single forever, with Christ's love to fully satisfy me. However I do believe in forgiveness, and that's another topic for another post. The point is, from one year ago I have changed my thinking.
One year ago, I was not the person I am now.
Two roads diverged in a single wood, And I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
I pray fervently I would not lose sight of what is important to me in this life. I hope, though I shall slip, that I would never tire of getting back up and traversing on the course Christ has set for me.
Ephesians 4:1 "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."
Psalm 139:25 "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting."
I pray this year I would live differently and that from here on out I would continue to change into the person Christ calls me to be.
On a side note today begins the 31 day challenge. I have a bad habit of forgetting to read my Bible some days. I'll forget one day but do it the next. Not good. So one of my goals is to FOR SURE read it every day these 31 days. I want to make a healthy habit of it. Number two is to work out. Can I do it? I will tell you at the end of the 31 days if I did.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Monday, November 17, 2008
College
I feel as if I am light years behind everyone else when it comes to college. I have not started any applications and that stresses me out! Tomorrow I plan to buckle down and start.
I feel so lost because everyone else in my family just knew they were going to A&M after my oldest sister Rebekah started the tradition. My mom is the most encouraging, she simply tells me to follow where God is leading me. I love her for that. She doesn't say, "Follow your heart!", no she is much wiser than that. But all of my older sisters constantly slide in comments about A&M and how it's the best. Hannah constantly tells me to go to school with her. It's really hard because I would love to go there and be with them, but I really am not at all sure if that's where God wants me yet. I'm looking at Ouachita Baptist, but I mean who the devil goes there?! All I know is that I can apply look into scholarships, grants, and loans. When that is all said and done I wait to see if I'm even accepted, during that waiting period I pray.
It feels like everyone around me has it together. This person was accepted, that person was, this person has a full ride scholarship, that person has had schools contact them to play sports, and that person of there has multiple scholarships. What is this madness! It's only November! But apparently if you're smart and on the academic road to success you will have completed everything before October and be accepted in November. I don't want to be on any road to success, all I want to be on is God's road. I want so desperately to be in his perfect will. I don't want to be selfish and go where I want to go, I want to be where he wants me.
I got the idea that it is extremely important to pick the right college because that is where I will obviously find my husband. But it's been a dream of mine since I was young to find my future husband in highschool. When I saw senior year approaching (this is during the summer) I freaked out and decided maybe it all depends on college! But I took a deep breath. Who am I kidding? God has it all under control. All that I need to worry about is myself. I want to live the set apart life he has called me to live, and one day, if it is in his planning, a Godly man will pursue me. So with that knocked off, college seemed less vital. ;].
I get so stressed about college. I hate taking the first step with anything. I am secretly terrified. I want to go forward and love the impending change, but I have such a hard time stepping alone. I want someone there with me. So my Junior year (last semester) when my mom told me to go sign up for a class at the community college I said ok. But then she told me to drive down there and sign up. By myself? I asked. Impossible. I had no idea what to do or who to talk to. She just said go so I finally did. Ever since then I just sign myself up. But I make excuses and try and avoid anything new and difficult. I just am better with someone at my side, just for moral support. I signed up for all my classes at the college today, and I know what I want to do for minimesters and summer courses. I got it down ;].
In a nutshell, I'm stressed about college and feel like I have no talents, no future, and no course to go on. I have no idea what I want to major in nor do I know what I want to do after college.
But I know it'll be ok in the end. As long as I trust Christ and take the first steps and seek him through it all, I'll be ok. I may not have a great career plan in place, nor make lot's of money, but I really don't care. I don't need material pleasures. I just want to be in His will.
I feel so lost because everyone else in my family just knew they were going to A&M after my oldest sister Rebekah started the tradition. My mom is the most encouraging, she simply tells me to follow where God is leading me. I love her for that. She doesn't say, "Follow your heart!", no she is much wiser than that. But all of my older sisters constantly slide in comments about A&M and how it's the best. Hannah constantly tells me to go to school with her. It's really hard because I would love to go there and be with them, but I really am not at all sure if that's where God wants me yet. I'm looking at Ouachita Baptist, but I mean who the devil goes there?! All I know is that I can apply look into scholarships, grants, and loans. When that is all said and done I wait to see if I'm even accepted, during that waiting period I pray.
It feels like everyone around me has it together. This person was accepted, that person was, this person has a full ride scholarship, that person has had schools contact them to play sports, and that person of there has multiple scholarships. What is this madness! It's only November! But apparently if you're smart and on the academic road to success you will have completed everything before October and be accepted in November. I don't want to be on any road to success, all I want to be on is God's road. I want so desperately to be in his perfect will. I don't want to be selfish and go where I want to go, I want to be where he wants me.
I got the idea that it is extremely important to pick the right college because that is where I will obviously find my husband. But it's been a dream of mine since I was young to find my future husband in highschool. When I saw senior year approaching (this is during the summer) I freaked out and decided maybe it all depends on college! But I took a deep breath. Who am I kidding? God has it all under control. All that I need to worry about is myself. I want to live the set apart life he has called me to live, and one day, if it is in his planning, a Godly man will pursue me. So with that knocked off, college seemed less vital. ;].
I get so stressed about college. I hate taking the first step with anything. I am secretly terrified. I want to go forward and love the impending change, but I have such a hard time stepping alone. I want someone there with me. So my Junior year (last semester) when my mom told me to go sign up for a class at the community college I said ok. But then she told me to drive down there and sign up. By myself? I asked. Impossible. I had no idea what to do or who to talk to. She just said go so I finally did. Ever since then I just sign myself up. But I make excuses and try and avoid anything new and difficult. I just am better with someone at my side, just for moral support. I signed up for all my classes at the college today, and I know what I want to do for minimesters and summer courses. I got it down ;].
In a nutshell, I'm stressed about college and feel like I have no talents, no future, and no course to go on. I have no idea what I want to major in nor do I know what I want to do after college.
But I know it'll be ok in the end. As long as I trust Christ and take the first steps and seek him through it all, I'll be ok. I may not have a great career plan in place, nor make lot's of money, but I really don't care. I don't need material pleasures. I just want to be in His will.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Two Roads Diverged
My old blog was too conflicting for me. It was a time where two paths were laid out before me and I continuously fluctuated and faltered. Who was I? Where was I going? How was I going to get there? It was a time of serious thought and troubling thought. I chose to stop posting on Incessancy (Although I love the name of that blog still) and start a new one. Two Roads Diverged is taken from a poem I love by Robert Frost.
The Road Not Taken
That is me. I had a choice, I know I made the right choice. Nothing could ever convince me otherwise. Though at the start of this year you would have been able to convince me of many things. I was an open mind willing to soak up any opinion that made sense. But is that what we should do? Accept what is "makes sense"? No, we must accept logic but ultimately the truth. Which really, truth is logical, so if we accept logic we are accepting truth, and if we accept truth we are inadvertently accepting logic. There is no other way.
The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
That is me. I had a choice, I know I made the right choice. Nothing could ever convince me otherwise. Though at the start of this year you would have been able to convince me of many things. I was an open mind willing to soak up any opinion that made sense. But is that what we should do? Accept what is "makes sense"? No, we must accept logic but ultimately the truth. Which really, truth is logical, so if we accept logic we are accepting truth, and if we accept truth we are inadvertently accepting logic. There is no other way.
This is the start of my new blog. This is because a new season has been laid out before me and it's been a most exhilarating experience so far. Why stop now? Now and for the rest of my life I shall take the road less traveled by, and I know it will make all the difference, because it already has begun to make a difference.
*Note this is not a fancy blog, this is not a creative writing blog, this is just my blog. Whatever is on my heart, mind, or soul when typing away is what will be written. But there is a theme. To simply let this path unfold before me and record certain moments in it.
-Leah
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