Living Life!

I am so humbled when I think about the Lord. It puts me in awe when I soak in His wondrous love! He bestows more kindness and joy on my life than I deserve. I am so unworthy of His faithful dealings with me.

Who would have thought living in Houston would actually bring such joy? Who would have thought being at a standstill could still bring fulfillment and peace? Who would have thought that despite not knowing where I am headed, I am content where I am?

He has plans for me. He has me here for a reason. Each day unfolds more of His beauty. I fall so short, but His mercy is new every morning! I am stumbling forward eyes heavenward and heart lifted to none but my Redeemer. Each step is one of faith. I do not know what tomorrow brings. I don't need to know. I need to know that here and now that the God of heaven loves me and the Holy Spirit will guide and comfort me in the midst of all things.

John 10:10b I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

That has been a theme in getting my attention as of late. The Lord is ever so gracious to my blindness. He came for me to live this life. And I find so much more joy and have found life full in every way lately. I may be more content and joyful than being at A&M!? I have found sweet fellowship, yet stay connected with my best friends God blessed me with at A&M. I find joy in so much everything!

It's as if my life is a canvas, and sometimes I reach up to the hands (God) that is painting the colors of my life. I tend to reach for the brush, I yearn and say I want to skip the end! I want to see how it's beautiful, but I don't want to experience the beauty unfold. I long and ask please just let me be WITH the hands that are so steady... but He patiently reminds me with each stroke, I want to add color and vibrancy to your life! Part of loving me is letting me bless you. His goodness cannot stay welled up inside Him, He is good so He pours out His goodness, making Him all the more good!! As the brush hits the canvas He longingly wants to me to accept His goodness of an abundant life... He wants me to have all the variations of beautiful colors, to enjoy His creativity in love. He wants to create a masterpiece out of my life- for me to enjoy and to further glorify Himself and show how incredible He is in every way. It's a win win situation.

That's what my life feels like. I read once, "Some men are so earthly minded, they are no heavenly good. And some men are so heavenly minded, they are no earthly good." Oh what a heart wrenching statement! I pray to be a balance. My soul longs for eternity in the presence of God! To worship all that He is causes my soul to leap up and stir all this crazy passion and love dwelling in me! How I long for that day! But then crash down to earth. What a terrible place to land. So many people skewing who God is... so many twisting His word, so many spitting upon the face of the Lord I so dearly love (unintentionally or maybe not.). It makes my soul weary. But then Christ beckons me, Leah are you willing to wipe the spit off my brow? Will you boldly live for me no matter what the cost? Then my heart stirs with new passion, I am to live for Him!

That is it. It is to live, to be real, to be genuine. I cannot be in some spiritual world constantly seeking some weird Jesus nirvana and leave the world crumbling behind me. He has called me to enjoy and live this life and show others how to be glad in Him. -To be a light amid darkness, to be an arrow pointing to the Savior. I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God. I am nothing more than a young woman wholly surrendered to His love and purposes, yet still living and breathing and making decisions each day.

I live in this moment. I live for His glory. I live because He gives me joy that I cannot explain or express. He is good. His very nature is the epitome of good. And good does not indulge in every whim and desire... He is good to give me what I need, and not always what I think I need!

Oh how I love Him!

I am Not Skilled to Understand

Hello world of blogging(:

It's been a while since I've attempted to write anything here. It is absolutely mind blowing how much God has been doing in my life, heart, and soul lately. There is no place I would rather be than in His presence, in His will.

I have so much time right now. More than I ever have in my entire life honestly. It's like this huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. But in its place is this sense of urgency. For what? To be all that God has called me to be... but to grasp in some small way how to prepare for whatever He has for me. I want to read, to witness, to learn piano, to learn guitar, to love, to write, to sing, to pour into those around me, to grow in every way I possibly can! With all this time I am so terrified of wasting it.

Where to from here? I don't want to get caught up in the future and miss this moment. It is so beautiful to rest and be still before my God. I find myself wanting to get ahead of this moment, but His Spirit moves me to wait. To be still. To know Him deeper. To seek Him above all else.

It absolutely astounds me and humbles me to my core that a God so brilliant in every way possible, chose me. Loves me. Wants to use me? That I'm His own!

Here's a peak into me. This is an entry from a prayer journal of sorts:

"1 Peter 2:9 'But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.'

Why do You love me Lord? I cannot fathom why... but You are good and love perfectly. I am Yours. I do want to proclaim Your excellencies... forever! Give me grace, humility, and strength to live according to Your purposes (:

I want to be constantly aware of You. I want to live in union with You! I want You so woven into the intricate fibers of my life there is no separation at any points.

I am absolutely enthralled by this love we share! (:"

I wrote this that morning and was in College Station visiting. That night I went to bible study at the BSM. Every single song played in worship that night struck a chord in me and resonated deep inside my soul. Everything I have been praying about, wrestling with, and conflicted about were all confronted through these songs.

"I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed what God has planned. I only know at His right hand, stands One who is my Saviour."

I trembled to sing the words. It was like every line of every song was this intensely personal prayer that I was singing to my Lord and Savior. I've wondered about next year so much. I am not worried in a sense that I am stressing myself, but I wonder and earnestly pray for answers. I want to know. I want to understand how God is working. But He isn't telling me that, He's telling me to trust, to wait, to let my faith be strengthened, to lean on Him, rest in Him, love Him, and to just long to know Him more. I am not skilled to understand! What are His plans for me? All I know is that I have a Savior who penetrates and pierces the deepest parts of me, and loves me.

It puts me in awe of how beautiful the body of Christ is. When we are doing what He calls us to and we are sensitive to the Holy Spirit, those around are encouraged. If Erik had not lead worship and chosen the songs (despite his own feelings) I would not have been so encouraged. Those who send a facebook message, or a text, or in person express what God is urging them to say... where would I be? It is this community that is such a blessing.

All I know is my God. He is my rock. He is the steadying force to this adventure I have begun to traverse upon. He is there every moment of every day.

I enjoy prayer so much. To be in constant communication with my Love is my heart's delight!

What a wonderful God! What a precious gift His son was. What an incredible life-line His Spirit is.

This life is nothing more than a simple girl striving for One greater than everything this world has to offer.

Tidbit.

The vast wonder of who this God I serve is shakes me to my core... how can I even take a breath of selfishness when I think about Him? How can I live oblivious and concerning myself with the affairs of this world when He simply... is. He exists. He reigns, He lives, He is all beauty, power, honor, glory, majesty, and everything wonderful! He is!! If I could but grasp one bit of this God... wouldn't my world be forever devastated and made new? I feel selfishness fading into oblivion and my God consuming every inch of me!!!! AH!!! WHY DO WE LIVE AS WE DO?! It's so pointless!!!

Excuse me while I go evaluate life for a moment (; And pray, and commune with this holy holy holy God.

Random Song and Book Quote(:

She's in Love
According to John

What a beautiful smile
A radiant girl
Fell in love first time I saw her
She stays on my mind
I’d give anything
To know everything about her

There’s light in her eyes
And I know it’s all for him
She carries on and on
Like he was her best friend

She’s in love (echo)
It’s not hard to see
But I would like to believe it was with me
Someone got a hold of her heart
And he won’t let go
And I know
She’s in love

She looks to the sky
When she talks about him
She believes he hung the moon
Said he had to go away
She waits for his return
Says he’s coming for her soon

How can this be fair?
This guy can walk on water
Don’t guess I’ve got a prayer
He’s written love letters - to reach her

She worships the ground he walks on
She just smiles when she says his name
It’s a match made in heaven
I can’t compete with the King of Kings

This song is so beautiful. I want people to know how in love I am with the Creator of the Heavens just by looking at my life... I want one man to be so enthralled by it that words similar to these are etched on his heart.


Here's an excerpt from a book I'm reading by Leslie Ludy:

"We Must remember that our bodies are not our own (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Therefore, because our bodies house the presence of the living God, we cannot just assume that it is our right to do whatever we want with them. Rather, our body is to spent for the glory of our King-not for the selfish pleasure of lustful men or to gratify our own selfish desire to be found attractive to the opposite sex."


On a side note I absolutely love being home and I absolutely love my family!! They are such a blessing to me(:

Living Intentionally

I've been praying a lot lately. But then again, I do that a lot anyways! I've been pondering this entire past year, remembering how I've lived, what I did right, what I did better, and how I could have lived more intentionally... despite the obvious growth from the past... I still see so many places I fell short!

Also, as a bonus, it's been so fun realizing the role of biblical women. Which I honestly cannot wait (if the Lord wills it!) to be someone's helpmate(: Which I def have struggled with understanding it. But to complete someone, to be what God designed it to be... is so beautiful. I want to lift him up, encourage him, be the wife that makes him feel more like a man. Ahh beautiful!

But above all, I want to live with one purpose in mind: Christ. It breaks my heart when I realize how selfish I am. I just want to live a life of sacrificially pouring out everything I am for the cause of Christ! And I fall so short. Every day I wake up there is an irresistible calling, urging, drawing that beckons me to seek the Lord, love the Lord, live for the Lord, know Him, make Him known, run to Him, rest in Him, and find my soul's uttermost content and joy in Him!

How do I convey the depth and weight of the love that wells up in my heart, mind, and soul for my precious and magnificent God? It fills me with awe, with wonder... with absolute amazement, that He would love me! Insane! Incomprehensible!

So now what? A&M is officially over. (One more day left! Weird!) Then a summer full of loving on kids. Then ?? As the song goes "For greater things are yet to come!" Thank you Chris Tomlin. What in the world does God have planned for me? Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells me I got nothing to sweat if I'm seeking the Lord with all my heart(;

I told my mom "Nothing in my life makes sense right now. Nothing. Everything seems impossible. But despite it all, there is an irresistible calling... I wake up and the Lord beckons me to follow Him, to follow His lead, and all I want to do is run with everything towards Him and His plan... I can't not follow Him. I literally cannot not do what He wills. I want to, I can't imagine not following Him. So despite the impossibility, I trust, I have faith, because I want more trust, I want more faith... more of Him!"

That pretty much sums it up. God is good, oh so good!! (:

Be still

Mmm. I find the weirdest juxtaposition of feelings raging in me.

Ahh. I find the strangest ambivalence presiding inside.

Sigh. I find the chaotic mess of thoughts and feelings jumbled hidden deep.

Music moves me. Music petrifies me.

I love being around people. I want to be alone.

I long for adventure. I like serenity.

I want deep heartfelt conversation. I want silence.

I want to think. I cannot stand the thoughts.

I remember. I want to forget.

I miss so much. I can't go back.

I am restless. I am at peace.

I want to run. I want to stay.

I want write. I don't know how to say it.

I want to sing.... a lot.

I want to proclaim Christ's truth. I stutter.

I want to laugh. I want to cry.

I want to love. I want to stay closed.

The list goes on.

How do you live when the thought of not living enough looms over your head? How do you live without regrets when you don't want to waste your life? How do you run when everything around you tears at you to trek a slower pace? How in the world is a 19-year old supposed to know what to do with her life?

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.


What do you do when it seems like every God-less life seems to be going along alright? What about when they seem to be doing better than ok? What about when lukewarm Christians seem to be doing just as good as you? What do you do when the hypocrites prevail?

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.


What about when the dark side of the world seems to attacking you head on? What about when more than just the world, but actual spiritual warfare? What of despair that battles in you? What of feeling too weak to be of use?

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.


He is not a God to watch idly.

Zechariah 2:13 Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.



Be still and know who He is. Be still and wait patiently. Be still and He will do the fighting. Be still before Him!!

Glimpses From C.S. Lewis(:

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.

You cannot go on 'explaining away' for ever: you will find that you have explained explanation itself away. You cannot go on 'seeing through' things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it.

One of the things that distinguishes man from the other animals is that he wants to know things, wants to find out what reality is like, simply for the sake of knowing. When that desire is completely quenched in anyone, I think he has become something less than human.

I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic -- on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg -- or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.

Reality, in fact, is always something you couldn't have guessed. That's one of the reasons I believe Christianity. It's a religion you couldn't have guessed.

Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it.

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

If you are really a product of a materialistic universe, how is it that you don't feel at home there?

All joy...emphasizes our pilgrim status; always reminds, beckons, awakens desire. Our best havings are wantings

The human mind has no more power of inventing a new value than of planting a new sun in the sky or a new primary colour in the spectrum...

Now that I am a Christian I do not have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable.

'Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. but he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'

'And then she understood the devilish cunning of the enemies' plan. By mixing a little truth with it they had made their lie far stronger.'